Breast Cancer Information

Finding Your Spiritual Strength in the Midst of Your Emotional Turmoil


There were so many emotions that I experienced in 2003 when the doctor confirmed I had Breast Cancer; I was overwhelmed. That was a point in my life that seemed to play out in slow motion. I was in a perpetual state of emotional turmoil. I had so many different emotions surfacing then, some of them I couldn't even identify.

There were many days when I was bombarded by questions for which I didn't have the answers; and in some instances, I had answers but no questions. I sometimes felt like I had been punched by a world class boxer in the middle of my stomach; all the air was knocked out of me.I couldn't catch my breath, and for a little while I allowed this to be my reality.

I certainly felt that I was entitled; poor me. I wallowed in my self pity, my anger, my frustration, and my zombie- like state of total helplessness- for a little while; but soon self pity, and anger, and helplessness- to my surprise- became my licking stick. I was being hurt by the very emotions that made me feel validated. I was being betrayed by those same feelings that gave me a sense of safety. I was a prisoner of all my fears. In reality I was spiritually exposed, my emotions were raw; I was vulnerable. I remember thinking, how dare cancer invade my breast? I remember thinking no one in the family ever had cancer, so how could I get breast cancer? I remember trying to pin point a time when I may have done something to attract breast cancer. I remember trying to figure out why a vegetarian, health conscious nut would get breast cancer?any cancer.

This was not supposed to happen to me; it had to be a mistake. They were all legitimate, reasonable thoughts and questions for which I had no answers. I was scared, I was angry, I felt alienated, I was proud, I was determined, I was in shock, I was depressed, I was sorry for me. I was suffering and I wanted to suffer alone. I wanted no assistance because no one else understood. I was adamant in my efforts to lock everyone who cared about me out of the circle of my conflicting emotions; so I kept all those emotions under cover. I couldn't show it to anyone. I was stalwart in the presence of adversity?and the pressure kept building, silently.

I rode this emotional rollercoaster for what seemed like an eternity. I was too scared, proud, angry, shocked, and confused to break down in front of anyone, or so I thought.

One day, I came to an emotional/ spiritual impasse. The pressure was building on both levels, and when it erupted, it did so unexpectedly. It did so with great pizzazz.

I was all alone when the lid blew. I threw an emotional tantrum. I was praying and I thought I was doing great until all hell broke loose. Somewhere during my praying, I started reasoning with God and cancer. Then unknowingly I moved on to pleading; I was scared. I was so scared. I could barely move. I was overcome by the fear of being ravished and dying a horrible death. I was overcome by pride of not wanting anyone to see me physically debilitated and withering away. I was hot, I was cold?I felt trapped in a multitude of emotions?I couldn't breathe?I started hyper-ventilating. My head was spinning from all the conflicting, confusing emotions that surfaced that day.

Fear soon became anger and frustration. I stood in front of the Dresser mirror and I started a conversation with Breast Cancer- like it was a real person; I found myself calling it DeMon. I was tired of being scared to the point of immobility on all levels. I was pissed it chose to set up residence in my little breast. I had had enough; it was time to face my demon; time to handle my business. It was time for cancer to feel my true inner strength. I decided at that moment to fight back - I don't even remember going into the shower, but that is where my daughter and my granddaughter found me screaming, cursing, and beating the stuffing out of the shower walls I had a cry to end all crying.

They both came into the shower with me and we all had a good cry together. When I stepped out of the shower that day, I affirmed my intentions to cancer- You want a fight cancer? Well, you got one on your hands now. You don't know the half of it. I am going to kick your a**...and, I am going to do it in the name of my God.

It was therapeutic. It was cleansing. It was refreshing.

After that episode, I felt better than I had felt since I got the - you have aggressive breast cancer- news. I was able to tell my daughters why I was crying, why I had suddenly become a recluse, and why I was so moody and aloof. I was able to explain how I really felt- no holds barred. Somehow, in the midst of all the turmoil I found a way to deal with my breast cancer issues; no more cowering in the dark, no more hiding from the reality of my situation, no more intimidation from DeMon .The time had come for me to set my parameters for this disease. I discarded reactive for proactive measures. I started writing my feelings down in my journals.

I made a list of my expectations-wants/needs, and I made concrete plans to defeat breast cancer. I replaced the fear of suffering and death with the will to live a happy productive and healthy life - cancer free.

I am a breast cancer survivor. I continue to write and counsel survivors about keeping a positive attitude and enjoying all that life has to offer. Mastectomy is not the end of our world...the spread of cancer can be and I truly believe that a positive attitude helps. I have claimed my quality of life back and despite all the side effects of Chemo and Radiation treatments, Neuropathy and Vertigo, I am as sexy and as vibrant as I want to be. I have to make adjustments on a daily basis but I am still here...alive and now living cancer free. I kicked breast cancer's butt and you certainly can do. Remember- the best protection is early detection. Put cancer in it's place under God and under you and move forward on faith confident in God's promise that He will come to your aid if you ask. I am living proof of it.


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Supplementary Article

Curing Cancer

11/21/08

 by: Gerald Armstrong

Before Two Out Of Three Of Us Die From Cancer

Lifting the curse of the Big C. For years cancer has been seen as a death sentence and still brings out the fear of God in most of us today. We at Gen Cells Cures believe the tide is about to turn.

6 million people will die this year from a disorder that is often discussed in terms that make it seem less like a disease than an implacable enemy. What tuberculosis was to the 19th century, cancer has been to the 20th: an insidious, malevolent force that frightens people beyond all reason…far more than, say diabetes or high blood pressure and with good reason. In the year 1880, one in thirty developed cancer in their lifetime. In the 21st century, the figure is 1 in 2- shocking statistics! Unlike other killer dieases, cancer usually causes a slow death involving pain, suffering, mental anguish, and a feeling of hopelessness. In addition, the mental and physical stress it puts on loved ones and caretakers is beyond calculation.)

Cancer is a public health problem worldwide. It affects all people: The young and old, the rich and poor, men, women and children. Cancer is the uncontrolled growth and spread of cells that may affect almost any tissue of the body. Lung, colorectal and stomach cancer are among the five most common cancers in the world for both men and women. Among men, lung and stomach cancer are the most common cancers worldwide. For women, the most common cancers are breast and cervical cancer. More than 10 million people are diagnosed with cancer every year. Cancer causes 6 million deaths every year. It’s the “Big C” that scares me personally. When my own cells start eating me alive I will eat, sleep and dream of a biomedical cure for this deadly killer. Too many people learn just how precious life is at the moment they discover their own is ending. Although I don’t believe I have cancer now. I’ll admit it, I have the fear of an early death from an incurable disease and cancer is number one on my fear list.

A revolution is underway in cancer research and we hope to be at the forefront of the revolution while easing some of the fear of an early death from this deadly killer. Most cancers likes to get an early start with the average age to begin eating away at your healthy cells is about 55 years old, a particulary scary time for one Gerald Armstrong the owner of Gen Cells Cures because I am about 55 years old! And the risk of cancer increases significantly more as we grow older. Two-thirds of the cancer being diagnosed today occurs after 65 years of age.

With over 200 types of cancer we hope to get our hands dirty with a couple types of cancer. By assembling some of the top scientific minds from around the world we hope to better understand the biology behind the disease and perhaps bring a cure for one or two forms of cancer from the bench to our individual patient’s bedside.

We think we can advance the ball of research a lot faster working in the carribean with our open petri dishes and absolutely no one looking over our shoulder. Again we have been asked to research a particular cancer, which we feel we can cure with the right team of scientists and the leadership and management provided by Gerald Armstrong. By focusing on one patient at a time with our private, personalized cancer research we will prevail.The problem is one in the same here at Gen Cells Cures as it is at many biotechs around the world. The best private biotechs simply lack the funding to do the research. Looking for private money is like pulling teeth. Many biotechs doing research just barely keep their doors open from month to month. Last year there were cumulative net losses of more than $40 billion for the industry’s public companies.Unless a biotech is billionaire backed like the Stowers Institute from Kansas City you better have a good night job. Apart from the lack of funding we believe that the same kind of successful strategies used to make billionaires wealthy can also be applied to scientific research to make people healthy. It just takes the right team with the right leadership and a little prime the pump money to get some success flowing into the pipeline. Success is success whether it’s in love, money or health. We know that belief makes things happen and we will make it happen. We want to go beyond current technologies which so often end with the word relapse and finally be able to say the word cured.

Gerald is the owner of Gen Cells Cures- http://www.msnusers.com/cures

Visit his group for information on cures for incurable diseases and aging.

You have my permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated

About The Author

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am Gerald Armstrong the owner of Gen Cells Cures a biotech dedicated to curing incurable diseases and aging. Introducing to the world, the miracle of private, personalized medical research for the individual. I am passionate about molecular biology and what we can do with science to find ugently needed cures for those people suffering from aging and incurable diseases.

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